Moving abroad is hard. Moving abroad with a family is harder than most people expect. It changes you, and there are good days and bad days, and you can’t be fully ready for all of it. The part people skip is getting their head ready, and that’s the part I want to talk about.
The hard bits are real: culture shock, feeling lost, burning out, strain on a marriage, knocks to your confidence. Those are just the common ones.
Families plan the move carefully. They sort the paperwork, the flights, the boxes. Very few sit down and think about the mental side.
When someone comes to me, I usually ask them why they want to do this. A lot of people can’t answer. Their reasons aren’t clear to them yet.
Know your why before you go
Before a big decision like moving countries, you need to know why you’re doing it. Not in a vague way. Clearly. That reason is what gets you through the months when settling in feels heavy.
So ask yourself the plain questions. Is it about feeling safer? A more stable place to live? Better schools for the kids? Wanting to see more of the world? A quieter, healthier life with good healthcare around you? Each of those points back to something you actually value. When you can name it, you handle both the paperwork side and the emotional side a lot better.
Naming your reason also helps with the smaller decisions later: where to live, who to spend time with, how to use your days. You’ve got something to measure them against.
Say your why is your kids and their schooling. When the adjustment feels like too much, that reason is what gets you out looking for the right school and the right activities for them anyway. It keeps you pointed at what matters when everything else feels up in the air.
I think about this with my own kids all the time: the kind of life I want for them, and honestly the kind I want for myself as I get older. I watch retirees here in New Zealand, people in their seventies and eighties out hiking, turning up to community things, making the most of the place. It moves me. This was never only about giving my kids a good start. It’s about showing them what an active, healthy older age can look like.
Make sure your values fit where you’re going
When you’re moving to another country, the thing people skip past is whether the place actually fits who you are. It’s not just learning the language or getting used to new food. It’s whether the things that matter most to you can still breathe in your new home.
Take your faith, if that’s part of your life. If practising it is central to who you are and how you find community, moving somewhere it’s restricted or just not part of daily life can leave you feeling lost and alone. Same with something like freedom of speech: if you hold that close, a place that clamps down on it probably isn’t your place.
For families it’s worth thinking about the values you want to pass on. If you care about education, you’ll want somewhere known for good schools and a supportive way of learning. If you believe in a real work-life balance, a place that expects long hours and barely any time off is going to pull against the family life you’re picturing.
Commit, properly
Merriam-Webster says to commit means “to carry into action deliberately.” Once I’d actually committed to New Zealand, the path started to clear up. I’d decided this was right for me, so I put my spare time and energy into making it real. I read everything I could about the country. I talked to people living there and people who’d made the same move. I learned the culture, the landscapes, all of it, and I started living as if I were already there. The more I learned, the less I worried and the more I looked forward to it.
Money worries, and what helped me
A lot of the fear around moving abroad comes down to money. We let money set our lifestyle and steer our choices, and it’s hard to imagine doing well without much of it.
Moving to New Zealand isn’t cheap, and you want a clear plan for that side of it. What it costs to live there depends on your lifestyle and where you land. For a family, I always say keep a cushion of savings for after you arrive, kept separate from your flights, visa costs, fees and your first rent. It’s there to give you breathing room while you find your feet.
Finding the money to move thirty hours away by plane felt out of reach even for us. But going back to commit: all my reading led me to ways of easing that money worry.
One that works well is lining up a job in New Zealand before you go. Good English is worth a lot in plenty of countries, New Zealand included, and it can open doors that felt shut from home. LinkedIn is a good place to start looking.
If you’d rather feel secure, talk to your current employer. Since the pandemic a lot of companies are open to remote work, and your job might let you keep it while you live somewhere else. How much you share is up to you, but it costs nothing to ask.
Find something you care about and plan around it.
Money is only a big stress if you let it be.
Telling the people you love
So you’ve decided to live in another country, and you’re close to sorting out how you’ll earn. There’s still that pause before you tell family, friends and colleagues about what some of them will call a “quirky” idea. Here’s the thing: the people closest to you already know you’re adventurous. Whether it’s planning group trips or heading off on your own for a weekend, you’re the one who loves the beaches, the mountains, the eco lodges. Whatever it is for you, there’s nothing to be afraid of in telling people you’re going after what makes you happy. In the end this is about you and your happiness.
When I told people I was moving to New Zealand with three young kids, I got a real mix. Some thought it was odd. Some couldn’t understand leaving a steady job. And yes, a few doubters. I didn’t let the negativity get to me. I used it to hold my line.
The hardest conversations are with close family. Some won’t get it, often out of tradition or fear of losing you nearby. But there’ll also be people who back you completely. That’s just how it goes, and it takes some strength to stay true to your path.
You can handle these conversations and see this through. You’ve got this.
Keep smiling, and let the hard days be hard
There will be setbacks, and they can feel bigger in a new country. Try to build some resilience and not let mishaps or other people’s delays knock you off balance for too long. Treat each one as something to learn from, and keep your head up where you can.
Moving abroad is an adventure. Some days it feels like living in an empty house with a mattress on the floor, which sounds rough but looks like an exciting camp-out through your kids’ eyes. Sit with the uncertainty and focus on what you can actually control. Instead of dwelling on what isn’t possible yet, put your energy into the new things around you, into being a bit creative, into finding the small joys.
Do you argue with yourself? One voice says it’ll all work out, that the hard work pays off. The other reminds you that leaving is hard on the people you’re leaving behind, and you don’t want to load your kids and partner with your own doubts. Let yourself notice those doubts though. They usually mean you’re about to do something brave.
Sit with the worry instead of pushing it down. When you look at it head on, it’s less likely to come true. Break a concern into pieces, work out what you could do about it, and think about who in your circle can help. This goes double for your kids. Of course you want them happy in this new chapter, but give them room to say how they feel too, even if that’s sad or cross or not wanting to go. Letting them speak up makes them part of it, and lets you comfort them and work out how to cope together. That teaches them something worth knowing: you do this as a family, which means honouring how everyone feels and holding each other up through the good and the bad.
Moving abroad isn’t only a logistical decision. It’s a mental and emotional one, and it changes how you see yourself, your family and your future. When your reasons are clear, your values line up, and your expectations are realistic, the uncertainty becomes something you can manage rather than something that swallows you. There will be hard moments. There’ll also be growth, resilience, and a deeper sense of why you did it. If you prepare your mindset as carefully as you prepare your plans, you give yourself and your family the best start for this next chapter.
Suzanne
